Welcome to Parenting Week on my blog. This week I’m going to highlight some of the gross things that parents experience in the line of duty. I have a few guest bloggers lined up and I welcome your stories too! If you have a gross story to contribute, please leave a comment! We’d love to hear from you.
So without further ado, today I present a trifecta of parenting horror stories guaranteed to make you gag and thank your lucky stars it wasn’t YOUR child that did that.
My first story is bound to embarrass my first-born. When T.J. was about 2 years old, he was visiting my parents during a hot summer day. My dad decided to take the boy to the local bookstore to browse the children’s section and enjoy a mango smoothie in the coffee shop (btw, mango smoothies make electric green diapers if you know what I mean). In the parking lot, my dad opened the back door to release the boy. When he jumped out of the car, his piece of gum fell out of his mouth and stuck to the hot black top. My dad warned, “Just leave it there, it’s dirty now.” And they walked into the bookstore. About an hour later, they returned to the car. My dad had long forgotten about the gum on the ground, but the boy remembered. Quick as a wink, before my dad could stop him, T.J. bent over and popped that old piece of gum back into his mouth! It was just as soft and chewy as before… though maybe a little grittier than before.
My second Mommy Horror is brought to you courtesy of my middle child. Both of my daughters have been quite oral, die-hard finger suckers. When Emma was 4, we moved to Costa Rica. I tried to break her of the sucking habit ahead of time, but nothing worked. I had begun to resign myself to the constant round of diarrhea she experienced from licking every germ in a foreign country when this event happened. At this time, we had no car, so we walked everywhere we went- dodging dog poop on every route. There is poop EVERYWHERE here. (When we go back to America my kids are astonished at how clean everything is.) So one day we walked home from school as usual. My daughter proceeded to take her shoes off and for no apparent reason LICKED THE SOLE OF HER SHOE and then set it down. Before the word NOOOOOO could escape my lips, the moan WHHHHHYYYY?!?! flew out. Most of you parents know, there is no answer that will satisfy that question.
My third story is along those same lines. My youngest child, also a finger sucker, is my most oral child. She has licked more things in this world than I can even recount. From tables and chairs to door knobs and hand rails, this child is fascinated with texture. One day I found her methodically sucking on every cabinet knob in the kitchen. But the absolute worst thing, in my mind, was the day I caught her sucking the water out of the shower door track! Agh! There is not enough Lysol in the world!
So now it’s your turn. Leave a comment and tell us about your grossest parenting story. Don’t try to shield us, give it to us in all it’s glorious detail! Muahhahahh! Parenting is not for the faint of heart or the weak of stomach.