Welcome to Parenting Week on my blog. This week I’m going to highlight some of the gross things that parents experience in the line of duty. I have a few guest bloggers lined up and I welcome your stories too! If you have a gross story to contribute, please leave a comment! We’d love to hear from you.
So without further ado, today I present a trifecta of parenting horror stories guaranteed to make you gag and thank your lucky stars it wasn’t YOUR child that did that.
My first story is bound to embarrass my first-born. When T.J. was about 2 years old, he was visiting my parents during a hot summer day. My dad decided to take the boy to the local bookstore to browse the children’s section and enjoy a mango smoothie in the coffee shop (btw, mango smoothies make electric green diapers if you know what I mean). In the parking lot, my dad opened the back door to release the boy. When he jumped out of the car, his piece of gum fell out of his mouth and stuck to the hot black top. My dad warned, “Just leave it there, it’s dirty now.” And they walked into the bookstore. About an hour later, they returned to the car. My dad had long forgotten about the gum on the ground, but the boy remembered. Quick as a wink, before my dad could stop him, T.J. bent over and popped that old piece of gum back into his mouth! It was just as soft and chewy as before… though maybe a little grittier than before.
My second Mommy Horror is brought to you courtesy of my middle child. Both of my daughters have been quite oral, die-hard finger suckers. When Emma was 4, we moved to Costa Rica. I tried to break her of the sucking habit ahead of time, but nothing worked. I had begun to resign myself to the constant round of diarrhea she experienced from licking every germ in a foreign country when this event happened. At this time, we had no car, so we walked everywhere we went- dodging dog poop on every route. There is poop EVERYWHERE here. (When we go back to America my kids are astonished at how clean everything is.) So one day we walked home from school as usual. My daughter proceeded to take her shoes off and for no apparent reason LICKED THE SOLE OF HER SHOE and then set it down. Before the word NOOOOOO could escape my lips, the moan WHHHHHYYYY?!?! flew out. Most of you parents know, there is no answer that will satisfy that question.
My third story is along those same lines. My youngest child, also a finger sucker, is my most oral child. She has licked more things in this world than I can even recount. From tables and chairs to door knobs and hand rails, this child is fascinated with texture. One day I found her methodically sucking on every cabinet knob in the kitchen. But the absolute worst thing, in my mind, was the day I caught her sucking the water out of the shower door track! Agh! There is not enough Lysol in the world!
So now it’s your turn. Leave a comment and tell us about your grossest parenting story. Don’t try to shield us, give it to us in all it’s glorious detail! Muahhahahh! Parenting is not for the faint of heart or the weak of stomach.
My youngest daughter Lucy, licking a daisy. Don't bother asking why. Just because.
Monkeys in My Bag 
Oh my! That just gave me anxiety! I DO know of what you talk about! I also have a few of those awful stories I haven’t thought about in ages.
When my two boys were around two and three years old, we went to a funeral of a deacon at our church where we youth pastored. As I opened the door of the church, the boys dashed in before me. (BTW ..my boys were well behaved kids so I didn’t mind them going in ahead of me, they know the rules.. right?! right. ) The casket was in the Lobby not far from the entrance and no sooner did I close the door behind me, did a woman from the church have both boys in front of me telling me that they ran right up to the casket… passed up all the people in line waiting, and started licking it!!! What???!!!! NO WAYY!!!! I couldn’t even wrap my mind around that… how did that happen so fast?? What in the wide world got into them! Well… it WAS a pretty mauve colored casket and they WERE too short to see the dead person in it. Things that make you go “Hmmmm….”
On another occasion when my oldest daughter was around 3yrs. old, myself and some friends went to a someone’s house to help them clean it! Let me tell you… it was an unsanitary mess!!! The dishwasher and stove had black mold 1/2 inch thick. Even the cat thought it ok to bring in a dead bird and start eating it under the dinning room table!! Garbage EVERYWHERE, the biggest hoarders mess with garbage and mold… well… we had a sitter for a few kids who was “supposed” to be watching them outside the house. But noooo… mine found her way into the bathroom and starting brushing her teeth with all the old used up, nasty (i mean nasty) toothbrushes!! Arrrrggggghhhh……. what in the world… I almost died that day. 😉
OMW that’s so horrible! The toothbrush one was the story that really gagged me! Gynecologist and Dental Hygienist are the two jobs that I can’t for the life of me figure out why someone would aspire to. Mouths are disgusting!!
Oh my! Where do I begin??? I have 3 boys and a girl and I swear they must do something disgusting everyday!!
My youngest, Asher, during his potty training days, pooped off the picnic table in the back yard. Then the dog came by and ate it!! Asher has also peed in his eye twice while “aiming” for the toilet. That is talent!
We pastor a small home missions church in CA. One Sunday morning during those potty training days, my oldest who is now 13, snuck off to pee. He had this strange idea that in order to pee in the toilet, he must remove ALL his clothes first. He took off everything but his socks, climbed up onto the toilet with his feet on the seat, carefully turned around to face forward and began to sit. He slipped and landed feet first into the toilet! He began to grunt loudly. I heard the grunts from the front row of the church and began to quickly make my way up the aisle as the grunting grew into full blown screams. Those screams were on the move. I began to run and caught the naked child right before he rounded the corner into the sanctuary!
My #3 child, Zade, during the potty training stage, had a similar issue. One Sunday morning as we had a special musical guest playing the piano, Zade had gone to the bathroom. He was doing a great job with toilet training so I wasn’t worried about him. When he was done, he came into the sanctuary looking for me. He walked halfway down the front aisle of the church with his pants and underwear at his ankles. His pants at his ankles kept him from moving very quickly. His shirt was long enough in the front to cover him. Then he stopped halfway down the aisle, turned around and began to walk back out. His shirt was not long enough in the back! The whole back half of the church erupted in laughter! The special guest at the piano could hardly continue to play cause he was laughing so hard!!
That is hilarious! The peeing in his eye thing had us all rolling over here! Boys.