Today’s blog is brought to you by homeschooling mother of four from Montana, Noelle. I love that when I asked her if she had any gross mommy stories to contribute, it took her about 30 seconds to fire off two stories with the promise that there are PLENTY more where these came from. Noelle deserves a very special gift for Mother’s Day this year. Here’s why:
When my son Zeke was about three years old, he was finally out of diapers. One day he was sporting his favorite boxer-type Spiderman undies and a pair of very loose sweat pants. I was in the living room reading with my older two kids when he came running to me and said “Mom! My poop is in Addie’s room!” I thought,“huh?” I hopped out of my chair and went running to my daughter’s bedroom. Sure enough, those nice loose undies and sweats had permitted a large, solid log to fall right out onto the floor!
I grabbed a wet wipe to pick it up as he stood there watching me. I looked at him and saw that he was starting to gag!! “NO!!!” I yelled at him! “Do NOT throw up!” Well, there he went- his own poop on the floor grossed himself out so much that he had to throw up right on the carpet as well! I was dumbfounded!! Not even done cleaning the poop off the floor and now it’s vomit as well. Wow! (This is why she needs a special gift in my opinion. Poop with a side of vomit is above and beyond the call of duty.)
Or how about this story?? (notice that this takes place on the very day I asked her to write a gross mommy story.)
Today I was driving the kids into their homeschool co-op classes. I’m perpetually late, so I was trying to make up some time by driving as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, both my husband and I have passed on the most severe motion-sickness genes onto our kids. So, as we were driving this morning, six-year-old Caleb announced from the back of the van that he was feeling sick. He had his head back and eyes closed and looked miserable.
In addition to the fast driving, my hands were so chapped that I grabbed some lotion. But it was a highly scented one and in hindsight I realize that was probably pure torture for a motion-sick kid.
We finally arrived at our destination. My 3-year old, Gizelle got out of the car, whined for a second and then threw up on the pavement! Then Caleb piped up from the back and said, “I don’t feel good!” He hopped out of the van and threw up too! Gizelle ended up throwing up three times, and Caleb four times! Fortunately it was all on the pavement. But then a bunch of kids came out of the homeschool co-op building and I had to tell everyone to avoid stepping in the seven puddles of vomit! Both kids started jumping around and laughing two minutes later, so I knew all was well, but WOW! That could’ve been disastrous if it had happened 5 minutes earlier IN the van or 5 minutes later in the building!
I feel bad for the janitor that had to hose down the parking lot after that episode. Everyone needs to begin planning ahead for Mother’s Day this year to be sure that you sufficiently thank your mother for years of cleaning up after your bodily functions.