I walked to the refrigerator to begin making dinner. My hand felt heavy and weak as I gripped the handle of the fridge. I didn’t open the door. I just laid my forehead against the back of my hand still gripping the handle and sighed. This depression was so heavy that I physically felt tired and drained. I whispered a silent prayer, “Lord, call off the attack. I can’t fight this anymore. I’m too weak and tired.” A few tears fell from my eyes and splashed on the tile at my feet. I know He heard my prayer.
From that moment on, I felt a turning of the tide. I admitted my weakness and asked for help- two things I don’t do very often. Though I don’t like it, I have begun to acknowledge and respect my own limitations because I no longer feel the imagined condemnation beating me over the head for not being stronger. That was not from God. That was the attack of the Enemy- and I finally recognized it. When I asked for help, God rang the bell and called the match “over”. HE had won on my behalf.
If you are fighting discouragement, read these words from Brother David Wilkerson and relax. You can let God do the fighting for you. You’re not alone.
When you are under attack from the enemy’s spirit of discouragement, you will
not feel like praying. But you still must go to the secret place and be in
Jesus’ presence. Do not worry about trying to pray your way out of despair.
This is the time for God’s Spirit to go to work in you to lift you out of the
pit.When you go to the Lord, be honest with Him about how weak and helpless you
feel. Let Him know, “Jesus, I’m dry. I have no strength left. If I’m ever going
to get out of this depression, You are going to have to make it happen.”In such low times, the Lord is very patient with us. He does not expect us to
exert some intense, fervent effort in prayer. He knows our condition, and He
sympathizes with us. Just sit in His presence and trust His Spirit to do in you
what He was sent to do. It doesn’t matter how cast down you are, He will never
forsake you!We have the notion that every time we fail the Lord, the Holy Spirit flits away
like a bird because He is grieved. But how could God’s Spirit abandon me when I
need Him most? If He leaves me whenever I fail and fall deep into
discouragement, how can He be my Comforter?Jesus promised us, “I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another
Comforter, that he may abide with you forever . . . I will not leave you
comfortless: I will come to you” (John 14:16, 18).When the devil’s heavy spirit of discouragement settles over your life, you may
be so distraught you cannot even whisper a prayer. But even so, you can talk to
Jesus in your spirit. Just tell Him softly, “Lord, help me. This attack is too
much for me. I can’t do anything but sit here in faith. I am trusting your
Spirit to drive it out of me.”
Monkeys in My Bag 
Depression is such a horrible vacuum. The Lord’s help is truly the only thing that pulls us out. The “joy” of the Lord is our strength. Our ‘hope’ in him gives us breath.
What would we do without God?!
thank you for the post. Having returned from serving 5 years in Costa Rica, I too experienced bouts with depression/discouragement. Sadly, my first instinct was not to pray and am now learning what a help that can be! I found many things to blame and be critical of but truly, God supplies all my needs and I can be content in Him. He is now my only solace in these times and it has made all the difference in my life. Praying for you sister!
Thank you for your prayers. When you know what someone is going through from your own personal experience, it makes the prayers all the more precious.
As a recent missionary in Costa Rica (I’ve only been here three weeks…I feel like “missionary” is too professional a word for how I feel right now), I want to say thank you for posting this. Although this makes me see that feeling like this doesn’t necessarily go away, it also makes me see that I’m not alone in how I feel and that God is always, ALWAYS with me. Thank you so much for sharing.
I’m glad this was an encouragement for you. Nothing can rock your boat like transition and culture shock. I wish I had an easy answer for you. But God will be with you. Blessings.
My husband and I are missionaries in Guatemala. We’ve been here for 4 years (minus 8 months language school in Costa Rica). I went through a deep depression many years ago and have learned the tools to fight it before it sets in too far. But I can get discouraged very easily living in community with 30 kids and in another culture. Your blog was a great reminder of where our strength and comfort comes. I don’t know you, but saw your post on a friends page and I shared it on my page. It touched many of my friends as well. I just wanted you to know that God is using you probably far greater that you imagined. Thank you for allowing God to use you through your honesty and openness to encourage others!
Wow! That was very sweet of you to share your story and to let me know it encouraged you. I really pray that God takes my weaknesses and glorifies Himself through them. It just amazing me what happens when we are honest about our struggles. It’s so true, the Holy Spirit draws close to brokenness.
~Blessings to you!
I have faced that here in New Orleans. What powerful words about overcoming the spirit of discouragement. Even though it’s “old school,” I live in a spiritually dark city and I have begun to plead the blood of Jesus over my family daily. No weapon formed against us shall prosper! I always appreciate your candid way of life, April. Love you guys from far away.
Thank you Kristi. I bet you DO feel that spiritual darkness. I know that feeling well from living first in Mexico City. It’s no joke, but our God is bigger… just let that sink in, right?! It’s so important to learn to fight it with the weapons we are given in God’s word. Love you too Girl!