Tag Archives: earthly life

I am the Ring

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Tired

Lord, I’m so tired.

Life is feeling long and weary.

The days are feeling so… daily,

So routine.

I am growing weary of this old world

Its dramas

Its heartbreaks

Its disappointments

Its aggravating tendency to break down and wear out.

I am ready to be done with the temporal.

I’m longing for the eternal.

Does it really matter, all the things I give my time to?

Does it really matter if the grout in my shower is white?

Does it really matter if every corner of the house is dusted?

Does it matter that there are 20 pairs of shoes cluttering the front door?

Why does this stress me?

My heart and mind are longing to soar

My hands and feet are moored to this soil

This pull between here and there

Now and later

Heaven and Earth

Is causing me to ache all over.

You know I’m just made of dust.

This old, earthy case for my soul is feeling shabby and dull

And inside my soul sparkles and shimmers

With intense longing for my source,

For the Rock from which I was cut.

I am the Ring

Return me to my source.

I just want to be where you are, Lord.

I am just so tired, so very tired.

Come quickly, Lord Jesus.

And if you don’t come rescue me,

At least come close to me.

“All my longings lie open before you, O Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you.”  Psalm 38:9

Dissonance

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You know what really bothers me about being a missionary?  So much of daily life is taken up in doing ordinary daily living tasks.  It’s not like living on a missions trip.  People always glamorize missions life and think that we are always telling someone about Jesus, praying and fasting,  seeing great miracles, leading masses of people into the kingdom of God.  But it’s just not like that.

This last week I did absolutely nothing ministry related.  I stood in line for days and days at immigration.  I took my kids to the doctor’s office and the lab and the pharmacy.    I drove back and forth from home and school and gymnastics and soccer about 4 dozen times (it felt like).  I went to two of the five grocery stores that I normally shop at.  I bought two gifts for new babies and went to one baby-shower.  I cleaned my house several times.  I grounded my kids for fighting.  I helped my daughter finish a book report and memorize her Bible verse.  I washed countless loads of laundry and made 3 meals a day- except for yesterday when we went to lunch with friends and I made leftovers for dinner.

My point is, daily life is just so ordinary… no matter where you live.  I used to think that I’ll wait until I’m a grown up to do something big for God.  Or maybe when I’m a missionary then I’ll get my devotional life into some kind of regular pattern.  But if you don’t do it before your daily life takes over, it just won’t get done.  No matter where you live, life must be done daily.  That balancing act between Earthly and Heavenly is draining, straining, and complicated.  My heart wants to live every day in the Heavenly.   I long for my Heavenly home.  But my feet are here in the mud.  I’m grounded.  And it’s not glamorous.

Here I have the opportunity to give myself my usual pep talk and bring it back to a positive note.  But I think I’m just going to leave it on a note of dissonance because I still feel the discord between my body and spirit.  That’s just how it is sometimes.  Life doesn’t always have a pretty harmony.  And that bothers me.