There’s a two story building that I pass on my commute to work in the mornings. The top half of the building is a gym for women. I always see a crowd of women waiting on the balcony for the gym to open. They all look like they are friends, like they’ve known each other for years, like they enjoy seeing each other every day. I always feel a pang of jealousy when I see those women in their spandex work out clothes and towels thrown around their necks. They look like they are going to really have a good time, like they actually enjoy what they’re about to do.
And that makes me jealous because I hate to exercise. I WANT to like exercise, but I never have liked it. I am uncoordinated and I hate sweating. And I certainly don’t want to do those two odious things IN FRONT of other people. This introvert can’t think of anything else more painfully humiliating. No thanks. But I still would like to be a part of those women who congregate on the balcony of that building every morning. That gym is like the Cheers bar for the women in that neighborhood. They make exercise look fun.
But I have another problem with this scene. The shop below the gym on the street level is a bakery. Oh Mylanta! Why would anyone put a bakery below a gym? To make money that’s why! This set up is a win-win for both the bakery and the gym owners… maybe they are owned by the same person! So these women go work out and then they have to pass the bakery on their way out. Bread is my Achilles heel, my Kryptonite, my one true love. I absolutely can not say no to fresh baked bread. To do so would defy nature.
So even if I did join that women’s gym and become a part of that group of friends, I would never lose any weight. “I can’t understand why I’m working out and GAINING weight. Do you have any butter for this baguette?” Maybe this is just a problem with how I THINK ABOUT working out. Like I’m missing some positive thinking gene or something. I don’t know, but I really DO think I’m missing the thing that gives people the “runner’s high”. Never in my life have I felt good after exercising- I always feel like crap. I always want a nap afterwords. Then all day long I’m exhausted. Isn’t that just the opposite of what’s supposed to happen?
So I really connect with this comedian, John Pinette, when he says he has a chant when he exercises. He’s thinking,”If I just live through this next 45 minutes I’m going to have Raviolis and a nap. Raviolis and a nap. Raviolis and a nap…” Good thing there’s not an Italian restaurant next to his gym or we’d be in the same sinking boat. He’d bring the pasta and I’d bring the bread.